Artwork By: Tony D Agustino
Damn Illegal Aliens

No. No. No. This is not fair to illegal
aliens, let’s be all-inclusive and
declare, “Damn all aliens, legal and
illegal alike.”

This equal opportunity curse covers
all aliens regardless of their race,
gender, religion or national origins. A
curse is very much like a health
insurance, is better when it’s
comprehensive, therefore, let’s
expand the coverage say, “Damn all
aliens including -and not limited to-
immigrants and foreigners up to
three generations.”  
Most Stupid Race of All

...According to the recommendations
presented in this document, they have
penetrated into our civilized societies. They
have insiders among us disguised as human
beings and operating as high rank
politicians and world leaders who have
legal and moral authorities over us to
expedite the annihilation of the human race.
Artwork by: Navid Sharifi
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A Game of Backgammon
Or Clash of Cultures

A few nights ago, I was in the mood for playing a
relaxing game of backgammon on the Internet, the
game I learned from masters in my childhood. There
are two advantages in playing backgammon on the
Internet. Cheating is impossible and listening to your
opponent’s Korkory (trash talk) is optional.

As soon as I opened a table I heard a beep. A player
came online and the game started.  Right from the
beginning my opponent raised the stakes and
challenged me to do so.  I doubled only when I was
ahead.  What you are about to read is based on actual
comments communicated between us.

Watch your ass
A few recommendations to my fellow

In the post 9/11 era and in the wake of
recent intensification of conflict between
Iran and the United States, we Iranians
along with Arabs of course are considered
prime terrorist suspects due to our national
origins. We are constantly being watched by
our neighbors and our daily activities are
scrutinized by the people around us. These
symptoms are the side effects of the Patriot
Act. We are natural subjects of racial
profiling and we receive unfair treatments
anywhere we are remotely deemed to be a
threat to the national security. We simply do
not have equal rights as others in this
country. We are guiltless citizens on the run
waiting to get caught to prove our innocence!

Bicycle Thief

Reading newspapers is one of my
hobbies. I usually go to the local
library, grab a stack of papers from
different cities and read the news. I
like to read about people and
especially interested in local crime
reports.  My favorite pastime has a
fringe benefit too. It gives me a good
excuse to sit by the large window for a
long time and watch a variety of
bicycles in the library bike rack and
plan my next scheme.
Fidelity Ring, The Wedding Ring of the

To All Married Women:

If your husband is a man and he has in his
possession a fully functional male organ then he
is genetically designed to cheat on you, it’s just
a matter of when and not if.  And if you don’t
know, you’re either naive or completely dumb.

The male character is formed around this
retractable object.  If this flaccid organ is not
exercised a few times a day, then the man
attached to it does not function properly in
social interactions. And if it is, then the man
behaves “normally”, then he is  obsessed with
sex about 85% of the times.  
A Few Recommendations to Stop
Airborne Terrorism

Idea #1

TSA agents stationed at airports security
checkpoints must profile the hell out of
Middle Eastern looking travelers especially
bearded young men. Unshaved women
should also be screened.

Screening Guidelines:

Qualified profilers examine passengers
waiting in line and tap on the shoulders of
suspects. The suspect steps forward to go
through a rigorous interrogation and
screening while other passengers give them
a standing ovation for their improper
national origin and religion and for
providing others a hassle free travel