Fidelity Ring, the Wedding Ring of the Future
To All Married Women:
If your husband is a man and he has in his possession a fully functional male organ then he is genetically designed to
cheat on you, it’s just a matter of when and not if. And if you don’t know this truth, you’re either naive or completely dumb.
The male character is formed around this retractable object. If this flaccid organ is not exercised a few times a day,
then the man attached to it does not function properly in social interactions. And if it is, then the man behaves “normally”, then
he is obsessed with sex about 85% of the times. When it comes to sex, men are lose-lose propositions for women and that is
why historically women across the globe regardless of their culture, religion, race and nationality have always suffered
immensely from their husband’s infidelity.
The vast majority of women choose to close their eyes and trust their husbands. They need to wake up and smell the other
women on their man, sooner or later they will. Now that this swift psychoanalysis of the male gender helped you properly
understand your man, let’s consider your options in preventing him from unauthorized use of his joystick.
In case of proven infidelity, some radical feminists suggest the sudden mutilation of the culprit organ. Although this
corrective measure is permanent and effective, it’s bloody cruel. The negative publicity of this drastic approach has made this
option undesirable to most women, thank God for that. Besides, the widespread use of this punishment would eventually
results in societies filled with severely decapitated men metaphorically speaking.
The passive aggressive wives on the other hand choose a preventive measure and provide frequent quickies to their
husbands to keep their snakes in the cage or perform a wholesome blow ritual every morning before breakfast. This defensive
approach is as practical as it is cumbersome. No wife has ever shown interest in or endurance for such ordeal on a daily basis
just to keep her husband faithful. No husband was ever worth that much anyways.
Some pious women naively believe in divine intervention. They forget that God is a man and he made men in his own
image. Therefore, no woman in her right mind should rely on God’s sympathy and understanding regarding such sensitive
organ. And finally there are wives who believe in reciprocating their husbands’ promiscuous behavior. They’re the ones who
transmit all sorts of STDs including but not limited to gonorrhea and syphilis or suffer from a mild yeast infection to say the
least. In general, women are created better than that. Besides, they are not genetically designed to enjoy cheap meaningless sex
on a regular basis like men.
History shows that women have always strived to discover a magical remedy to this everlasting crisis and none has been
found until now.
The best method of keeping your husband faithful is to use the state of the art “Fidelity Ring”, an electronic monitoring
device that can conveniently fit on any flaccid male organ. Fidelity rings are hand crafted and visually exquisite. They are also
fully adjustable and available in classic designs or modern styles. Contrary to other jewelry items Fidelity Ring has a vital
mission. It is installed and programmed by the wife to keep her husband faithful. This advanced safety device through its built-
in web-cam records the husband’s hanky-panky activities and transmits video signals to the better half in real time. She is the
only one who has the password protected trigger mechanism to de-activate the ring.
If the husband attempts to remove the ring without prior permission of the account holder, the device automatically
switches to choking mode. The ring shrinks in size dramatically and in matter of seconds and violently chokes the male organ
by cutting off its blood flow. In this case the culprit organ turns blue, viciously trembles and gasps for air but the ring is
designed not to let go until the subject is completely down and subdued.
However when the man equipped with the Fidelity Ring happens to be tipsy after drinking a few beer in a cozy pub and
detects a female specimen and achieves an unauthorized erection, the excessive blood flow triggers the defense mechanism of
the Fidelity Ring. The device transmits alert signals to the wife and the LED light on the ring turns flashing yellow and beeps.
This is only the warning stage. Study shows that the first warning signs usually scare the hell out of most husbands and they
immediately lose their illicit desire. In this case the buzzing stops and the yellow flashing light turns to solid green allowing
husband to start thinking with his upper head and resume his normal daily life. Statistics show that after going through this
embarrassing and potentially hurtful experience, the man’s entire body soaks in cold sweat and he thanks God almighty that
the device was not deployed. This is the typical use and the design objective of the Fidelity Ring.
However, if the system goes to alarm mode and husband ignores the warning signs and does not lose his unauthorized
erection, he may either return to his wife and beg for a system deactivation or start using his right hand and proceed with
manual relief. Please note that the DNA recognition module built into the ring only allows the husband to manually bypass the
system. However, God forbid if the husband refuses to yield to all warnings signs or if any other human flesh approaches him
after yellow signals go off then the “Fidelity Ring” automatically switches to code red-the execution mode. The light turns
solid red, starts buzzing and flashes at higher frequency. After two seconds of this spectacular audio visual spectacle, the
Fidelity Ring shoots a 10,000 volt electric charge directly to testicles and the shock therapy is repeated every 30 seconds until
the marriage vow violator is subjugated. When the subject is contained, the system shuts off. The mission is accomplished,
the victim collapses on the ground convulsing (as if he is having a fatal seizure) with his smoking gun in his hand.
The painful truth (for men of course) is that the Fidelity Ring works, any user can attest to that. This innovative concept
has proven to be effective in preserving a healthy and happy marriage. This is a lifetime investment for every married woman.
Please note that unlike traditional wedding rings, Fidelity Ring is reusable. If you have used the ring on your first husband and
he is toasted and out of the picture, you may return the device to manufacturer for a recharge and software upgrade and get
on with your next love life. Husbands may come and go but the ring is yours forever.
“Fidelity Ring” is not just a life saving investment it’s also a precious heirloom to pass on to your female offspring for
generations to come. On your daughter’s wedding night give her your own ring and say, “honey, this is the very ring that
zapped your father a couple of times and kept our marriage successful for decades.”
The idea of Fidelity Ring performs magic even before it’s physically installed. Just ask your fiancé who claims to move
mountains for you if he is willing to wear the ring instead. Then calmly study his facial expression and analyze his reaction and
make up your mind about sharing your life with him. Wearing the ring must be an integral part of any prenuptial agreement.
In the 21st century, the traditional marriage proposal by men must be reciprocated by a counter-proposal by bride to be.
When a man drops to his knees and affectionately proposes to a woman; she should immediately drop to her knees, stare right
at his winky and pop her own question: “Would you wear a Fidelity Ring?” This is a defining moment for the couple in love.
The man’s refusal to accept this fair settlement offer should be dumped on the spot and woman should proceed with the plan
B-if she has one of course.
Fidelity Ring is a tight grip symbol of eternal love and no woman should ever wed without one.